As I wrote the title for this essay, a burning issue of my life, I knew that I was going to write about something I have very little knowledge of. The lack of experience in this matter will make my job difficult, for I haven’t really dated anyone. Still, I would like to talk about gay dating and gays, about whom I have good knowledge.
Do not get me wrong, for I do go on dates, once in a while, with guys I meet online or in real life, but we rarely see each other for a second date. I know what you are thinking: these guys have poor taste in men, which is the only logical explanation why they never call again, right? There is this mantra that I keep saying to myself: there is nothing wrong with me. I am not saying I am perfect, and that every guy should fall in love with me, which would be a nightmare, but I am honest, responsible, and cute, and if these are not good reasons to go on a second date with me, I must be missing somethig because there is nothing wrong with me.
Being gay is hard. Feeling the need to prove that you have the right to live and to love is ridiculous but, unfortunately, it is a big part of every gay guy out there. Wether it’s your family and friends, or it is yourself, whom you have to accept and learn to live comfortably with -- it is a battle, and it is one that we do not always win. I can’t even win this battle with my mom, whom I love and respect, but who still thinks it’s my choice to be gay and that it’s an illness. Dating a gay guy could be more challenging than being alone or lonely, for several, troubling at times, reasons.
Getting a first date is not what concerns me, but it is a challenging task to make it to the second date. Here are some dry numbers with no emotional attachment, which I know I tend to overuse, that prove my statement. Since the beginning of this year, I have been stood up five times. Guys didn’t show up for a date with me five bloody times this year, and four out of five of these queer fellows cancelled on the day! As it should be in every professional presentation, here are the examples.
The first guy, whom I was to meet at the Royal Alexandra Theatre to see a play, texted me an hour before the meeting time and said that he needed to help his mother to move and, therefore, would not be able to meet me. That’s fine, I thought, because moving unexpectedly with only one hour notice is what mothers usually do. I went to see the play, and needless to say, the guy, whom I was so looking forward meeting, has never texted me since.
I met the second guy in my yoga class, and months later, when we met online, he asked me out. On the day, just an hour or so before the meeting time, he texted me, saying he was stuck at work. No problem, I texted back, I will wait. Don’t wait for me, was his reply, and I didn’t, but I went out and got drunk.
Just a week ago, I met a handsome guy at a bar, and we hit it off right away. We both were a little tipsy, so there were no icebreaking routines needed, and we went on talking for an hour. The chemistry was great, and we liked each other quite a lot. We shared a cab on the way home, where he tried to kiss me; I didn’t play hard to get, and we kissed; we also exchanged numbers and parted with sweet feelings and even sweeter expectations. The very next day, I texted him asking if he was feeling well, and whether he had any regrets about the previous night. He suggested that we see each other soon. Well, his idea of soon was eight days later. Canadians are like that, when rushed could mean several weeks. Patience is hard, but I can manage, for I have been single for a year, and eight days are not going to make any difference. On Thursday, a day before we were suppose to meet, I received a text from him with unfortunate news that there was a chance he might not be able to make it on Friday because he was not feeling well. Do I need to say he didn’t feel well on Friday and, therefore, we didn’t meet. On Saturday, I texted him asking about his health, but my message was ignored. Needless to say that I still haven’t heard from him. I guess the guy is dead-sick because there is no other explanation why someone would not want to meet and date me because there is nothing wrong with me.
The last guy called me, after chatting with me online, offering to meet for a drink. Naturally, I said yes, and went on with my homework because the chance of a Canadian guy meeting you right away are close to zero. An hour later, he called again, saying he was on his way, and asked me to pick a restaurant. Obviously, I rushed to the shower, googled a good place with a patio, and jumped on my bike to meet the guy. It’s the first time, when after meeting someone online, I got a phone call on the same day, and agreed to meet on the same day. I was confused because it doesn’t happen here in Canada with Canadian boys. We did meet. He was not Canadian, but Austrian, which explained why he was so real and ready. A couple of hours later, we hit our third bar and this time it was in the village, since he had never been there and, naturally, I took him on a tour. It was there we met David, a friend of mine, and my ex lover and my current hairdresser, who joined us for a couple of drinks and a casual conversation. An hour later, my date and I decided to leave. On the way to his car and my bike, parked together, my date, named Iohan, said several things, listed below as they were. You shall decide for yourself what to make of it. Firstly, Iohan said, that David, my friend, was a very nice guy; He followed this with comment about David’s face wondering how was it possible to be single with a face like that; and lastly, Iohan suggested we meet again for dinner, and that we should cook it at David’s place. I got on my bike and said, sure. Later that night, I poured myself a glass of wine to celebrate the fact that there is nothing wrong with me, and that the right guy will come along one warm sunny day. That is just how it is because there is nothing wrong with me. Cheers.